Crime Safe

I face this error when I am using the Java Excell API (http://jexcelapi.sourceforge.net), I got this when I try to open a work sheet via the WorkBook object.

I faced this error as I was using Eclipse to run the application that I build, the error log simply shows :- 

Imagine how powerful it would be if the whole world do not see different skin colors, imagine what it would be like if every one on Earth do not position them selves against ideology or religion, there would be open forums between religious masters of all religions, coming together to really figure out what life is really about. Imagine our developement, imagine if all scientist come to gethere and not positioning themselves against different countries they represent, how advance would we become is no information is held back.

I have a dream that we all, citizens of earth we are going to work it out, when this dreams we would all be free, free from the illusion of competition, free from scarcity, free from terrorism, free from famine, free from the concept that "The world is not enough, the economy is not enough", free from the concept that "Survival of the fittest". Imagine what it would be like for every competitor to hold each others hands and teach each other and have each other grow.

Imagine this dream, my dream is to be free, and I believe every one's dreams is as well, to be free and peaceful. But until this is realized, then only could we all be free as one nation of earth.

It is the 3 week now since the passing of my Grand Father, I have no dreams of him, nor did I experience his spirit visiting me, the same goes when my Grand Ma Passed away.

When My grand ma passed away I cried a lot, but it is different now, I didn't cry much for my grand pa, not because I don't love him, but because I know that this is nature and part of life's offer to you, eternal rest. People talk about spirits, Christians and Muslims says that after you die you live on as a spiritual being, and you either go to heaven or hell, Hindu and Buddhist believe that after you die and if you are enlightened enough then you would be heading for Nirvana or else you would just be reincarnated into this world again, to be tested and to learn or to suffer for all the previous bad deeds that you have done. But I say "WHAT IF", what if when you die you just die, "ZAPPPPpppp" there is no spiritual being, there is nothing, not a trace of you left in this world. Nothing left, just dust and asheses. This thought alone would leave me breathless, this thought alone would have me be very afraid and scared to die. This though alone would have me see that life is really precious. It is precious because there is an end to it, as precious as the shelf life of a rose flower. It is beautiful as it is because it must fade and die off one day, anologous to life.

So if really my version of life is true then really life is important. Cause you only have once chance to live it. And by knowing this, I want to live it with pourpose and meaning. I want to create a meaning to my own existance. I have a dream and my dream is to be free, to be enlightened, to be wise, to be of service to the society and the world.

I want to stand for light, stand for truth, stand for love, stand for peace, I dont want to fall for nothing. To have this life be meaning full you must stand for something, and manifest this stand through every day actions. Actions upon who and what every that comes into your path. I want to be elevated to the highest truth.

The vision of my life is that I live in a community of love, where neighbours could be best of friend and trusting, my house, my home would be the safest place where any one could take shelter, and I would be a big man to give love and show love. I am a big man to elevate the lives of every one I come into contact with, no matter who they are or what they do. No more killing, no more violence, every one would be loving, there would be no race differences, there would be no religion differences.

I have a vision to be a great student and a great teacher.

I have read this book and it is so true about life that at some point some of us will tend to loose our selfs.

"Loosing your self" a great term, cannot be articulated logically what its meaning is, but it can be felt. So the question now here is how do you know if you have lost your self ?

The evidence that you will find if you loose your self is the feeling of emptiness and weariness. Like loosing the passion towards life. Not having any direction in life, that would lead to wasting of time, indulging in things that would give you immediate pleasures (alcohol, drugs, sex, etc.).

So now how do we have bearing over this event of "loosing oneself in life" ? How do we get the compass of life, such that when we know we are lost, we can use it to go back on the right path.

The compass of life is simply your principles of life. One without any principles of life would be like without a compass. The view of life is almost analogous to a journey from the point of one location to another, an expedition, an odyssey if you will, a very long long road, but with a limited time frame for you to travel (you life span).

One must be like a stern guard of his/her own life's compass, because without it how can you find your way back?

But being stern guard of your own compass requires discipline. Discipline to my understanding is simply to do what you say. To act on the principles that you have accepted into your life, or simply in other words "To Walk, The Talk".

In my experience, "To Walk, The Talk" is not as simple as it seems. Although it is the basics of life. So many people wants success, so many people crave for advancement in their life. But logically, how can you even learn the advance stuff of life, if you haven't mastered the basics ?

Always go to the basics of life, and the book "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" is a good book about mastering the basics of life.

What ever you think inside your mind and soul you will get at the outside world. The limitations that you have are set from what you appear to be with in.

That is why Buddhism stress that the journey of wisdom to life is a journey to within your mind and soul. It is a journey to the inside of your mind that would lead you to seek wisdom and not the journey to the outside.

I went to see this movie with my sister on Saturday 08-03-2008 12.a.m.

I learned many lessons in the story, it is about a boy growing to be a man, and being a man you fear many things, you fear making the wrong decisions and causing you yourself and others around you to suffer.

But there is a wise man in the movie and this is what he said,

"Some men draw a circle around them, and they include their family members in the circle, they provide and guide them,
Other men draw a bigger circle to include their friends so they care for them,
But there are men who draw a big circle around them to include big things, these men have great destinies to be full filed....."

So the question is what type of men do you want to be and choose to be, will determine how you lead your life.

Every one feels fearful, every one feel doubt at times of hardship, it is normal, for what you feel there are many brothers and sisters feeling it with you, because we are all connected as human beings. It shows me that it is ok to be fearful.

There is also one thing about the hunters in this movie that I like, which is the honor and the respect they have for the animal they are hunting (The Great Mammoth). The hunters treated hunting as a game but a very honorable game. If you hunted down the great beast, dosen't meant you will have honor and respect, you will only have honor and respect for who you really are when you hunt down the great beast, who do you occur to be at that time.

Courage can only be recognized in the face of fear, it cannot be recognized if you have no fear. So now I understand, and so now I know.

In the movie there is this leader who loves a woman, and he promises her that she will never fade in his heart and will never be alone, this is the one thing that made him carry on to pursue his enemy in spite of his fear.

The thing that made him face his fear is love, his love for this woman (he was indeed very much in love with her), in which his love later grew as his heart grew, and "The circle that he draw around him self grew to cover his fellow brothers, the freedom of other nations who's skin color was different from his.", his heart was now bigger than the fear, and that is how he became a hero, for he had concurred fear for he had all the love for the people.

My most most favorite song, I love this song very very much, since I was a child until now.

River of Dreams Lyrics
Artist(Band):Billy Joel

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
From the mountains of faith
To the river so deep
I must be lookin' for something
Something sacred I lost
But the river is wide
And it's too hard to cross
even though I know the river is wide
I walk down every evening and stand on the shore
I try to cross to the opposite side
So I can finally find what I've been looking for
In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the valley of fear
To a river so deep
I've been searching for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I'd never lose
Something somebody stole
I don't know why I go walking at night
But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is I've been looking for
(Two beat Pause)
In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the jungle of doubt
To the river so deep
I know I'm searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind
In the middle of the night (break)

I’m not sure about a life after this
God knows I've never been a spiritual man
Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river
That is runnin' to the promised land (Long Five beat Pause)

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the desert of truth
To the river so deep
We all end in the ocean
We all start in the streams
We're all carried along
By the river of dreams
In the middle of the night

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd need shepherd
But you you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think...

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

Weve all seen a man at the liquor store beggin for your change
The hair on his face is dirty, dread-locked, and full of mange
He asks a man for what he could spare, with shame in his eyes
Get a job you ****ing slob, is all he replies
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
cause then you really might know what its like to sing the blues

Then you really might know what its like...
Then you really might know what its like...
Then you really might know what its like...
Then you really might know what its like...

Mary got pregnant from a kid named tom that said he was in love
He said, dont worry about a thing, baby doll
Im the man youve been dreaming of.
But 3 months later he say he wont date her or return her calls
And she swear, God damn, if I find that man Im cuttin off his balls.
And then she heads for the clinic and
She gets some static walking through the door
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner
And they call her a whore
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
cause then you really might know what its like to have to choose

Chorus

Ive seen a rich man beg
Ive seen a good man sin
Ive seen a tough man cry
Ive seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
Ive seen the good side of bad
And the downside of up
And everything between
I licked the silver spoon
Drank from the golden cup
And smoked the finest green
I stroked the fattest dimes at least a couple of times
Before I broke their heart
You know where it ends, yo, it usually depends on where you start

I knew this kid named max
He used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs
He liked to hang out late
He liked to get shit-faced and keep the pace with thugs
Until late one night there was a big gun fight and max lost his head
He pulled out his chrome .45, talked some shit, and wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of this pain
You know it crumbles that way
At least thats what they say when you play the game
God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news
cause then you really might know what its like to have to lose

Then you really might know what its like...
Then you really might know what its like...
Then you really might know what its like...to have to lose

Another head hangs lowly,
Child is slowly taken.
And the violence caused such silence,
Who are we mistaken?

But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.
In your head, in your head they are fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are crying...

In your head, in your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie,
Hey, hey, hey. What's in your head,
In your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, dou, dou, dou, dou, dou...

Another mother's breakin',
Heart is taking over.
When the vi'lence causes silence,
We must be mistaken.

It's the same old theme since nineteen-sixteen.
In your head, in your head they're still fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are dying...

In your head, in your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie,
Hey, hey, hey. What's in your head,
In your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, oh, oh,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, hey, oh, ya, ya-a...

Love is only love when you give it away, but when you give it away you will feel pain, and why is this?

If love is never ending why do break ups happen? This is my first relationship and My world is turned upside down when my break up happened. I have to learn the sad reality that the love I thought was forever is now over. It's like unexpectedly being doused with an icy cold bucket of water.

I am forced to look at life differently, I am forced to accept the truth that my everyday life, will no longer include the one I love.

But I am grateful and feel gratitude about having the opportunity to share so many pleasant memories with her. I wish her well with whatever future may be in store for her.

I learn allot from this relationship, and I am grateful for the experience and the love that I have felt, now is time to move on, to create a new life. But I must learn from my experience as I am also responsible to cause the demise of this 3 year relationship. The question is will I be moving into a new relationship? No, not untill I have let go, I am still now going through the process, not untill I have accept the fact that she will never becoming back.

At the mean time while going through this break up process, instead of avoiding love, why not study and understand it. It has almost been 3 months now since the break up, I already avoided the pain long enough, I have drink way too many alcohol, I should stop now, really stop and be responsible.

Because it takes more courage to face the pain rather than to run away from it, to really sit down to feel and experience the pain, and what actions that I did that had contributed to this pain, and then learn from it, so that I can create a good future relationship.

It is easier said than done, but I must try, I must. But I am grateful that I am given an opportunity to suffer this pain, because life is short, and not many people get to experience all of life, I have experience love and now I will experience the pain of seperation.

I went to research on what is the meaning of love, and I found a few quotes, and a few opinions on love, I have included those that relate best to me.

"Love differs from heart to heart, love can be good and can be bad. To love and be loved is the perefect ingredients to happiness but to love and not be loved will be a darkness in your soul. Being in love is like a drop of water after years of draught, it eases your souls agonies of life. Being in love is a feeling not all humans will experience. So if you have it cherish.......just love it..BIGSAL"

I am very grateful that I have experienced love, and to be love back in return, I thank god for this blessing, and when I break up besides feeling despair, I also felt a sense of hapiness, happy because the one I love chooses to move on in her life, chooses to re-create her life.

Love has never been defined since man began, so we have to use our own hearts and minds to decide. Love isn't all about looking at a good looking woman/man and hearing fireworks go off all the time. That's usually physical attraction, but it's normal at the beginning of our relationship. Love is respect, wanting to help that person in any aspect of their lives; protect them from harm's way; knowing that each other will be there 100%; feeling safe with that person; proud of being with them; sharing your hopes and dreams together; and my favorite ... feeling like you can conquer the world together! Knowing you will be together no matter what and continue on until the day you pass away. Now that's love to me!

love is about feeling safe with that person, this relates to me, it a feeling like time stops when you are together, it is a feeling like nothing else matters in this world when both are together, it is the warmth, the togetherness, the support and the faith to each other, It is the commitment to each other, what is missing in my relationship is the warmth and faith I have for her, that is why it has ended this way. I find it very true is that only when I write it down, then only can I study why and what happened.

Love is also loving your self so that you can give it away to your other half, because you can only give away what you have, what you don't have you cant give. The reason for my break up is also because I do not love my self, I do not feel that I am worthy, and I do not feel that I am good enough. If we aren't happy with ourselves and tripping over ourselves to always please our partner without expecting anything back, then this cant be called as love, as this is unhealthy, this is an unhealthy relationship with one self, and when you have an unhealthy relationship with one self then how can you have a healthy relationship with your other half.

"Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserveres. Love never fails!"

This qoute relate to me because I am not patient, I am not patient to listen to what she have to say, and I am always expecting her to love me in return, and I always keeps my feelings to my self, I am not honest for I didnt tell her how I feel, for I keep my feelings, If I am given another chance to love, I will be honest about my feelings, I will be patient, I will listen and respect my other half.

I work in a nursing home, where over the years i have seen some of the most touching displays of love. For example, I used to work with a little old lady about age 87 with advanced stage alzheimers. She couldn't speak but would still smile at you all day l. Her husband, who was of sound mind, would come every single day, rain or shine, to sit and walk around with her. The person she used to be is completely gone and yet he still is by her side every day. At the risk of sounding maudlin, if thats not true love than I dont know what is. I can only hope to be so lucky one day!

Both the old man and the old woman are very blessed to have each other, and it is really true that most people dont experience that in their life time, I have know a few in my family. I feel sad for them. If I am allowed a prayer, then let my prayer be to find my other half that would allow us both to experience our full human existence.

Let my prayer be to let every one in this world to find true love, to be blessed enough to experience love, so that every one can experience living a full filing life.

Des'ree - You gotta be

Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry


You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day


Herald what your mother said
Reading the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view
My oh my, heh, hey


You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day


Don't ask no questions, it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning
You can't stop it, if you try to
This time it's danger staring you in the face


Remember
Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
My oh my heh, hey, hey


You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day


You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

I have had a dream, and in that dream I was on a plan that is going to crash, and in that plane there are 30 passengers, and there is only 5 parachute, getting your hands on a parachute would mean that you don't have to die, in that plane there is only five parachutes, and I have got the keys to the room that stores these parachutes.

I quickly look around and see if I could find any of my family members, it seems that I am the only one on board of the plane, with the rest of the other 29 strangers.

Most of them were crying, and some were trying to make calls back home to their families to tell them that they love them very much. All the passengers came to me, knowing that I have the key to the parachute store room.

They wanted me to choose quickly who could have a parachute, one among the passengers is a book writer. I quickly give a parachute to her, as I believe that book can save millions of life, because books can liberate us and make us learned and enlightened us. The second one that I gave my parachute to is a woman who had just learned to love her own children, she loves them and she said that she know now what to do and she really want to go back to them and watch them grow up and get married, so without hesitating I gave her the second parachute. Now only left with 3 parachute in the store.

The third woman came to me and said that she have married for a few years, now just as she is planning to have kids, she wants to be given a chance to live, she have always wanted kids, she want to have kids with her husband , she want to be a grand mother one day, this woman also works for a big coporation and she is someone who is very important in that coporation, I figured that she is a significant and powerful person, and she should live as she have the ability to groom her children to be powerful people in the future. People who could influence and make a difference to the society.

Then there was this business man, he speaks with authority, and is wise and knows alot of stuffs, he has great experiences, he promise me that he would do good in the society, he promise me that he would make a difference in the society, he want to live he has five children at home. He is half way grooming them to be powerful people, he want to be given a chance. And so I give him the fourth one.

The suddenly popping out from the crowd of pessengers I saw one of my buddy, she is one of my long long friends. She stood in front of me, she is my good friend, there were tears in her eyes, she said no, please kian No, She has a very kind heart, I can feel the fear of death in her, she is the eldest in her family and she has her father and mother to support, despite of her fear of death she said no to me, she dont want me to give her the last parachute.

I took the last parachute and forcefully mount it on her back and push her off the plane, there are no parachutes left I am left in the plane to die with the other 24 passengers. One of the pessengers who was a high and wise priest he walk towards me, I thought that she was here to pray and give me her blessings, but instead, she came to me and ask me what did I give the last parachute away, I didnt I keep it for my self so that I could live. Tears came falling down from my cheek, as I told her that I love my friend, and I want her to live. The priest ask me, then why give my parachute to ther other 4 people, I could always save one for myself. Whay give them away?

I gave them away because they are capable and powerful people who could make a difference in their life and also to the world. And I have made a difference by having them live. The priest then replied, to love other people first you must love your self, what about your parents, they have high hopes on you and they think your a capable, they love you and know you can make a difference in the family's life , what about them, how would they feel if they know that their son choose to give his life away because he dont think he is capable. I cried and the priest held me in her arms, she said you stupid boy, with tears in her eyes, she said you must love your self before you can love others.

The alarm clock rings and I woke up with still tears in my eyes...

We come out we study, we grow to become adults then we choose to study in colledge, and come out to work, and slowly loose the sense of self.


"You got to know your self then only could you succeed" this sentence keeps ringing in my head as I have just come back from a talk. It is not a mater of what you want todo, but the real question is do you know who your really are Kian? Do you really know who you are.

When people ask me who I am, I would answer quickly, well I am Kian, but Kian is not who I am that is merely my name, then I would say I am an Analysts programmer and also a part time insurance agent, but again that is not who I am that is my job, my occupation. So what defines me, what defines my identity.

When I know what and who I am, then perhaps the meaning of life would come easily to me. What am I here to do, weather we like it or not, life is a one way journey, I am born, I live then the end journey is I die. So now what ? What do I really want to do with my life now at this age of 25. I came back from a time management training, the trainer said something that rings in my head. Are you going to be a big white shark or are you going to be merely just a coral fish, small colorful coral fish, that swims as a swarm, when you see the swarm you will not notice the single fishes, all you see is the whole swarm of colorful fish, and collectively as a whole swarm they look beautiful. But when a great shark were to pass through the great swarm of coral fish, you would notice that they would give way to the shark, as its presence can be felt. So what do I want to do with this life of mine ?

The other statement that bothers me would also be that he said, if you are some one who sway back and forth and do not know where you are going, the good advise is not to have a girl friend, and the worse thing that can happen is to marry the woman and later give birth to children, as your children would follow you, that is what exactly had happened in my family. Children need a strong father, a father who is grounded, so that they have a piller to ground their life on, and our children would always grow up to be like us, because that is who they learn from. If you have children may god help them, at least if you give them to the orphanage home they would be far more better than staying with you.

I guess this is one reason why my Ex-Girl friend left me, as she is wise, cause she could see this in me. Its a great discovery , so now what, now what do I want to do with my life.

I want to do something significant, I want to live a life of significance. But what am I going to do, and who am I.

I am a impatient and dramatic man,

The trainer also said that self pity would not help, as it serves no pourpose, and it is not productive.